Fired

Fearing today might be my last day on the boat, I decided to go out with a bang. Cardamom and date bread pudding for breakfast, a perfectly executed carbonara for lunch with four loaves of homemade bread and beef rendang with cucumber salad for dinner.

Every time I've been fired (three times now), I've had the feeling that it was for the best. The first time was when I was in Germany, age 19, and I argued with the cook about how she was overcooking the soft-boiled eggs. But really it was because I noticed that the summer crew's tips were being funneled off and then dispersed at Christmas... The owner of the pensionat was not happy when I asked about it; but the egg incident was the final straw.

I was fired a second time by a lawyer who had me photocopying and was really anal about it, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't close the lid of the copier and keep the page from moving at the same time. I actually cried on the way home that day.

Now, fired a third time and yet again by what I would call a bad boss. Or two bad bosses. It started way back in the beginning, but somehow they got word of my discontent. Yesterday they approached me about it and said that the rest of the season was going to be really tough if I couldn't change my attitude toward them. I said I needed 24 hours to think it over. This morning I came to this conclusion: I love this work. I want to try and find a way to keep the job. So I asked myself what I would need to do that, and I realized that although it would be difficult, sitting down with The Queen and Captain Might over a beer could be the only way - if we could just put all the past offenses behind us and start fresh by generally taking an interest in each other and spending some time together. When I asked them this morning, they agreed. But I could tell by noon that they were not keen to go out with me.

Hal-way through my Beef Rendang, they pulled me aside and said that it was just not going to work. They said they had heard that I was applying for new jobs while they were enjoying their Thanksgiving dinner (not true) and that there was more news of my discontent circling amongst the crew. Later I learned that they had actually already appointed two crew members to take over my responsibilities several days prior. There had never really been a chance of fixing things after all.

I am really going to miss the crew here. And the boat. And my work, which I love to a crazy extent. Early on I was even thinking about re-investing my wages in their school... Yeah... Uh... No.

There's more to tell but I'm totally exhausted.